I was never much of a goal setter but I’ve always had big dreams. I had a timeline of when those dream would come into fruition without ever going in depth as to how it would come about. In my mind, it would just happen. My timeline meant everything to me. I would have kids at this age, be married by this year, (yes I thought of the kids before the husband) and I would have everything I ever wanted.
As the years went by, my dreams felt like they were getting further and further away from me because my timeline was failing to take place. I kept putting my faith in something I thought I had the power to control. The disappointment was all-consuming for most of my adolescence and my early 20’s. It literally kept breaking my heart because, if I’m being honest, none of my actual dreams have come true yet.
Two years ago, I started letting go. But I hadn’t let go of the one thing I was truly afraid of giving up control over. As I turn 26, I’m officially letting go of MY plan and trusting in His. And the beauty that I found in slowly giving up that control is that it made me dream so much more.
Dreams I thought weren’t possible or didn’t even have at the beginning did end up coming true already. Dreams I never thought I would have are now making the wait more bearable because they’ve given me purpose. They’ve given me a reason to reach for more. I have countless to look forward to because I know I deserve beyond what I was going to settle for. Deep down, my heart was aware that God has so much more in store for me than what I had for myself.
So this year, I’m letting my will go because it won’t be enough. I want what God wants for me even if it means giving up what I’ve always dreamed of. He knows my hearts desires. It’s not like He’s ignoring them. He’s giving me the chance to dream more. I never would’ve had that chance if I received everything I wanted.
He’s giving me the chance to dream more.
I’ve brought more value to my life by hitting my highs and lows. I’ve grown tremendously throughout the years and I’ve learned that to reach my big dreams, I have to start small. I can’t run without learning one foot has to go in front of the other first. I can’t reach them by force, nor can I rely on my own will. I won’t continue to rob myself of the present by being disappointed due to my expectations of my future.
It’s unknown. It’s ok that it’s unknown. Or at least, it’s ok that the timing is unknown, because as blessed as I have been my whole life, I know the best is yet to arrive. I’m thankful for my 26 years. I’m thankful for my dreams. I’m thankful for the unknown, because without it, I wouldn’t be able to place my faith in the One who’s going to make it all come true. And worth the wait.
Here’s to 26.