I’ve always had this thought of wishing I experienced certain things earlier on in life. This is one of them. I’ve met many people who’ve suffered the loss of a loved one. A spouse, a child, a parent, a friend. I could empathize with every single one but I could never relate. Death has always been a far off matter that has never touched my life before. But I knew it was inevitable and when that day would come, it would hit me harder than anything I’ve ever gone through. I’ve always admired the strength of those who have lost. I look at them overcoming one of the darkest periods of their life and wonder, “how?” How did you let go? Where do you find the strength? How is it possible to ever move on?
I’ve lost my fur baby. I can’t imagine those that have lost the love of their lives, their flesh and blood, and yet, they’ve found a way to live with the grief and in some way, move on. I guess, in some way, I have too. It isn’t easy. The final week we had him, up until the moment we let him go and the “after” has put me on an emotional rollercoaster with a broken control system.
But let me tell you, the days that followed, in my opinion were far worse. It became a gradual pain that intensified at the reminder that something is forever missing. The emptiness that suffocated me as soon as we pulled into the driveway was overwhelming. How do you learn to exist in a world that no longer has someone you love present? Especially someone that’s been a part of your life for a really long time?
There’s no such thing as going back to normal. There’s just finding a new normal. The grief hits me at different times, but those first few weeks, I was engulfed by it. I couldn’t even write and writing had always been my escape regardless of what I was going through. But I just couldn’t. I didn’t want to do anything. All I wanted was to have him back. The pain is so real and the thing about pain is that it makes you vulnerable. With my level of sensitivity, it made me tenfold.
Now, I’ve experienced the pain of losing someone I love with everything I have. But little by little, I’m fighting for the strength I’ve always admired in others that have experienced such a deep loss. Instead of seeing the emptiness that Milo has left behind in my heart as a void, I’m making it a special space in memoriam of him. That space will forever be dedicated to him and everything that came with loving him.
He wanted to prepare me for the reality of life because unfortunately, he won’t be the only loss I’ll have to encounter. Losing a loved one is never easy… but the gift of their life and what they represented in ours is enough to see to it that we follow through on our journey until our time comes to meet them in the sky.