A few years ago, we found out that we were pregnant for a third time. We already had a three year old and a one year old at the time, and we were so excited and thankful to be expecting another.
However, at 21 weeks, I miscarried. Many parents have experienced this, but we had no idea how hard it would be. Most people seem to wait until 12 weeks to tell loved ones about being pregnant because they know that the odds of losing a baby earlier are high.
We honestly thought we were in the clear. And before this, we were those naive people who would have thought, well, you already have two so it’s not so bad!
We were so wrong. We had already settled on the expectation that things would be fine. And then one day, I started bleeding, and we discovered via the ultrasound that the baby had died. What made it even harder is that the baby comes in its own time.
You still carry the child, and for me, it was a few days. It was horrible. You have to deliver a stillborn baby. Plans are shattered, expectations ruined. We grieved hard. It seemed senseless, unnecessary.
We now have four healthy children. And reflecting on this, we would not have had our third, our second daughter, if this had not happened. This isn’t to say it was good.
But beside sorrow in the whole situation, I would not want it any other way because I would not have known my youngest two children if it had not been this way.
So out of the sorrow, we were given a wonderful blessing, just not the exact blessing we expected. I was so terrified during the latter two pregnancies because I had lost my third.
It changed my perspective and made me treasure each kick immensely. It also made me more compassionate to other moms and families who struggle in so many ways.
Now I can think about how good can come through bad. It was not right away, and it was not in the way we expected, but for us we experienced renewed joy! It is still sad, but looking back on this gives us hope for trials in the future.