I remember the anger. It consumed me on a daily basis. I was angry at my circumstances, at the ones who hurt me, my family, the world, even God. However, it didn’t come close to the anger I felt towards myself. I was angry at who I was, how I handled things, my inner thoughts, my reflection staring back at me. The mood swings were intense, and the longing for some kind of rest only continued to grow.
There was this dark, thunderous cloud that hung over me the minute I woke up to the minute I’d fall asleep. Nothing I did could remove the anger that was within me no matter how hard I tried. For a long time, I used it as a defense mechanism. It was a way to protect myself from potential harm.
I didn’t want my heart to keep bleeding the way it was. I thought some wounds were just to deep to fix. But I realized the longer I took to tend to them properly, the more my wounds were getting infected. I didn’t want to be angry anymore. The emotional, mental and physical exhaustion was too much to bare. It helped keep me shackled to a prison I had the key to unlock.
So I released it. My smiles weren’t deceiving anymore. My happiness was real. It is real. I remember all I used to write about was becoming a bird. If I became a bird, then I could fly and if I could fly, then that would be my freedom, my escape. All I ever wanted was to just be free. Now I may not be able to soar through the sky, but I’m as free as the birds I’m surrounded by.
I’m free, because I’m in control and what I’m not in control of, as the saying goes, “There’s freedom in surrendering.” I learned the balance between the two. The anger wasn’t infiltrating my every thought. My actions became less impulsive and I wasn’t shutting out the world to the point of complete isolation.
Do not let them imprison you
When you allow anger to fester, it creates a negative impact on other parts of your body. You heart can become a bitter wasteland of severe emotions while your mind forms an alliance with the very same enemy. Freedom has to be fought for. If you accept ill-fate, then that’s exactly what you’re going to get. Don’t allow your anger to take away your peace of mind. Feel your emotions but do not let them consume you. Do not let them control you. Do not let them imprison you. If you want freedom, then fight for it.