There will always be someone who can’t see your worth. Don’t let it be you.
– Mel Robbins
The story of my life, where to begin…
When Kat reached out to me recently and wanted me to share my life story with her audience, I was more than grateful and super happy to be considered.
However, a wave of emotions washed over me as well as insecurity; will my story be interesting enough? Will my voice resonate with others? Am I even a good enough writer to be considered for such a task?
Then it hit me; someone else sees my worth, so why can’t I?
For years, I have been working on overcoming limiting beliefs of myself and even the world around me. Unfortunately, throughout much of my adolescence and early twenties, these feelings went mostly unnoticed, and I was on autopilot most of the time.
I lived a normal childhood where I was lacking nothing except for good quality friendships. For a large part of my life, I found myself bending to the will of others and trying to live up to their expectations.
I was often a very shy and introverted individual, and because of this, I was bullied by my friends, both in elementary and high school.
I let these experiences get me down, and I became very insecure, but I also didn’t want to be alone. So I stayed in these toxic friendships with these toxic people, and became even more miserable.
The people I had called my friends were the reason I hated going to school everyday. I tried to hold on to the good times we had together, but the times that they would make me feel small would ultimately make me feel like I was worthless.
It wasn’t until my last year of high school that I chose to no longer associate myself with these people. From that point on, I realized that I was worth more than being in a bad friendship.
I was worth more than the toxic behavior I chose to tolerate. I chose to believe in my worth, even if it was scary, and this set me down the road to discovering and affirming my worth later into my life. ________________________
The work of affirming my worthiness was not finished though. When I was finished my college education, I was confronted with the next decision: what do I want to do with my life?
The answer? Go to university.
I remember looking at the booklet of programs, and looking at all the subjects: business, science, economics, history, education…
If I could go back in time, I wish I could have shaken myself and told myself to not go with whatever does not set my soul on fire. The problem is I went with the option that I only found to be okay.
I went through 5 years of university education and came out on the other end with a Bachelor’s degree in Kindergarten/Elementary Education. Of course I am happy that I got a university education; it is a privilege that I know I am lucky to have gotten.
However, it did not resonate with what I really wanted to do in life. I learned a lot from my internships in this education program, but hardly learned any real-world knowledge in the classroom.
Because of this, I did not use my education degree, even today. I believed that the cost of my freedom was to institutionalize myself for a few years and study, and then I could do what I want, but the truth is we do not need to do anything or prove anything to be free.
We are free beings, just as we are, and a university degree or any accolade will not prove that we are more worthy than others.
________________________
Now I am working at a job that is not in my field, however, on the side, I am doing something that truly lights up my soul. I am connecting with like-minded individuals and speaking my truth.
I am sharing ideas that I have ever only kept hidden in my mind, and people are resonating with them. For once in my life, I feel much less alone. I feel understood, I feel accepted and I feel worthy.
The road to worthiness has been marked with many instances in which comparison has made me feel like I should give up. The truth is, when doubt sets in, we must continue to move forward.
We must think about what is worth pursuing. Is this decision in line with the life I want to live? Does this decision resonate with my most authentic self? If so, then go forward in that decision whole-heartedly.
Worthiness has also helped me build a life that is most authentic to who I am. When I recognize my worth, I realize that I am enough as I am, and because of that I can honor my needs.
Although worthiness and authenticity may not always be associated with one another, I think that one cannot exist with the other.
Instead of staying quiet and bending to the needs of others, I try to discuss these ideas with them and try to reach a mutual understanding, even if our opinions may differ.
When we choose to understand one another and come from a place of compassion, we can allow others to truly be themselves, which causes a ripple effect. Living our most authentic lives also means helping others live theirs authentically.
By knowing my worthiness and also being authentic, even when it is difficult, I have also become more vulnerable. I have realized that all these components combined together can form a much more aware, compassionate, and understanding person. When we recognize these traits in others, we can help others recognize these traits in themselves as well.
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In the end, throughout all stages of my life, I have learned that our worth can be tested in so many ways, and ultimately, we can be the ones getting in our own way.
However, it is only when we remember that we are in control can we break free of our limiting beliefs and ascend into the highest version of ourselves.
We need to stop believing what others think we should do and start thinking for ourselves. Just because an opinion is popular does not mean it is true to you.
You must choose what you will tolerate in your life. If your decision does not align with your values, you must work accordingly to change that, even if it isn’t always easy.
The truth is we have the power to change our lives and others’ lives as well. The first step is knowing that we are worthy enough to do so.
Catherine
